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	<title>Shayon&#039;s Labyrinth! &#187; Society</title>
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	<description>Eccentric. Dreamer. G33k.</description>
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		<title>My Tryst with a NGO</title>
		<link>http://www.shayonpal.com/city-life/my-tryst-with-a-ngo/</link>
		<comments>http://www.shayonpal.com/city-life/my-tryst-with-a-ngo/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 04 Dec 2010 05:07:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Shayon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[City Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Delhi]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Society]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thoughts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blanket]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[blanket of relief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[destitute]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[disgust]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NGO]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poor]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.shayonpal.com/?p=1455</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[For the last couple of days, a few of my friends and I have been trying to organize a fund raiser where we could raise around Rs 1,50,000 as donations in our effort to distribute quilts/blankets to the destitutes residing on the Delhi streets. We named it <a href="http://blanketofrelief.org/">Blanket of Relief</a>.

For the same cause, we had been on the lookout to partner with a couple of NGOs who would help us reach the last mile. That is, we needed someone who had the experience to distribute the blankets to ones who need them. On top of that, we also needed a NGO to handle the donations that came in, to keep the system transparent and instill faith in the hearts of the donors.

On one such conversation, I managed to come across a NGO who showed a lot of interest in partnering with us, and furthering our cause. But, there was a twist. Apparently, the cause we were fighting for, was not the cause they were interested in. They were the ones who looked after solving administration and water problems for the poor. And hence, in their bid to help us, the Director of the NGO suggested us to present a fake invoice for water pumps, and also furnish fake images of new water pumps being installed, so that he could show it in his books that the money that got collected were used in installing water pumps in water ridden areas.]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img src="http://www.shayonpal.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Cold-Wave-203x300.jpg" alt="" title="A Blanket of Relief" width="203" height="300" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-1456" />For the last couple of days, a few of my friends and I have been trying to organize a fund raiser where we could raise around Rs 1,50,000 as donations in our effort to distribute quilts/blankets to the destitutes residing on the Delhi streets. We named it <a href="http://blanketofrelief.org/">Blanket of Relief</a>.</p>
<p>For the same cause, we had been on the lookout to partner with a couple of NGOs who would help us reach the last mile. That is, we needed someone who had the experience to distribute the blankets to ones who need them. On top of that, we also needed a NGO to handle the donations that came in, to keep the system transparent and instill faith in the hearts of the donors.</p>
<p>On one such conversation, I managed to come across a NGO who showed a lot of interest in partnering with us, and furthering our cause. But, there was a twist. Apparently, the cause we were fighting for, was not the cause they were interested in. They were the ones who looked after solving administration and water problems for the poor. And hence, in their bid to help us, the Director of the NGO suggested us to present a fake invoice for water pumps, and also furnish fake images of new water pumps being installed, so that he could show it in his books that the money that got collected were used in installing water pumps in water ridden areas.</p>
<p>No, we weren&#8217;t ready to negotiate with the truth, even if that meant our quest stayed unfinished. We decided to look elsewhere. But this particular incident made me wonder the quality of NGOs who operate in this country, who are ready to bend the rules just so that they could show more &#8220;activity&#8221; within their organisation, in their attempt to win some self-initiated competition with other NGOs in the vicinity. And mind you, these are his words. I could have easily recorded the audio and shared it as a podcast with this blog post. But, it is not a sting operation. It&#8217;s an effort to be a better human. It&#8217;s an effort to improve the society in general, and live a healthy life. While I understand that bending that piece of principle would have immensely helped our cause. But what hurt me was the ease with which the guy was ready to bend. Maybe my impressions are misplaced. Maybe I am too uptight. But I ain&#8217;t sorry for not following up on that &#8220;partnership&#8221;.</p>
<p>How about you? How would you have reacted in my shoes? Would you have taken up the offer?</p>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts</h3><ul><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/city-life/water-water-everywhere/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Water Water Everywhere!</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/city-life/blog-awards-mumbai-trip-and-more/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Blog Awards, Mumbai Trip, and more&#8230;</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/uncategorized/guess-whos-back-back-again/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Guess Who&#8217;s Back, Back Again&#8230;</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/misplaced-sense-of-righteousness/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Misplaced sense of righteousness</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/uncategorized/check-the-waters-before-you-dive-in/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Check the waters before you dive in&#8230;</a></li></ul></div>]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>How &#8216;Social&#8217; Should A Man Be?</title>
		<link>http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/how-social-should-a-man-be/</link>
		<comments>http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/how-social-should-a-man-be/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 12 Apr 2010 10:19:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Shayon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Society]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thoughts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Desire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Forbidden]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sex]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Taboo]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.shayonpal.com/?p=1171</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I was reading this post title <a href="http://niceguy251.blogspot.com/2010/04/sense-of-satisfaction.html"><strong><em>"Sense of Satisfaction"</em></strong></a> by <strong>Uncle Jack</strong>, when an idea for a blog post formulated within my head. In the story that Uncle J told us, the concerned man was married himself, which brings out a completely different angle to it. However, what if the man wasn't married, and that he did not have the <em>disorder</em> of leaking company secrets if lured by female company? What if, the man simply loved the idea of sharing the bed with multiple women, doesn't matter whether at different times, or at the same time? Would the world still regard him as <em>normal</em>?]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div align="center"><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/forbidden-love.jpg"><img class="size-full wp-image-1173" title="Forbidden Love" src="http://www.shayonpal.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/forbidden-love.jpg" alt="" width="495" height="500" /></a></div>
<p>I was reading this post title <a href="http://niceguy251.blogspot.com/2010/04/sense-of-satisfaction.html"><strong><em>&#8220;Sense of Satisfaction&#8221;</em></strong></a> by <strong>Uncle Jack</strong>, when an idea for a blog post formulated within my head. In the story that Uncle J told us, the concerned man was married himself, which brings out a completely different angle to it. However, what if the man wasn&#8217;t married, and that he did not have the <em>disorder</em> of leaking company secrets if lured by female company? What if, the man simply loved the idea of sharing the bed with multiple women, doesn&#8217;t matter whether at different times, or at the same time? Would the world still regard him as <em>normal</em>?</p>
<p>Yes, it definitely feels completely out of the world if you experience both emotional and physical intercourse at the same time. But, how about instances when a man (or even a woman, for that matter) wishes to satiate himself with musterbatorial pleasure? And if we do not regard <em>self-pleasure</em> as a sin, then wouldn&#8217;t we deem such instances <em>normal</em> too when a man actually manages to find a partner, to take care of his sexual needs, every single time? Pure sexual satisfaction?</p>
<p>Speaking of the society we are brought up in, where the very idea of indulging in sexual activity, before marriage, is looked down upon&#8230; speaking of a legal system that deems anal sex (before or after marriage, doesn&#8217;t matter) illegal&#8230; speaking of a society where 99% of the population would not even know what a <em>sex toy</em> means&#8230; how does it feel? How does a man manage to survive in this closed box?<br />
<span id="more-1171"></span><br />
It was just the other day I had bought a pack of condoms, at around 11.30pm, and the store keeper asked me <em>&#8220;Sir, itne raat ko condom khareed ne aaye ho? Ladki kahan se milegi?&#8221;</em> While I was anyway pissed that he dared to get that personal with me, I also noted the fact that he took it for granted that it has to be a woman for which I was buying those condoms. So much so, that I actually retorted back with <em>&#8220;Agar koi mili nahin toh aap hi se kaam chala loonga. Kyun, thik hai na?&#8221;</em></p>
<p>I am as much of a social animal as you are. And neither do I have any grudges against our Indian society. As a matter of fact, I find our society to be much more evolved, and more balanced, than most other around the world. Yet, it saddens me at times when people find it too hard to keep their noses clean, to keep to their own affairs, to judge a person by the way he works and behaves, and not his sexual preferences. If a man has a fetish for thongs, let him be, rather than ridiculing him for the same. If a man needs another man to take care of himself, who are you to get into the middle, unless he approaches you yourself for the same? And even if he does, you should be politely declining him, the way you would decline another girl who professes her love for you but you do not share the same feelings.</p>
<p>Can you answer me a question, here? Is it the man who builds the society, or is it the society that builds the man?<br />
</p>
<h5>Image Credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/malfie/">MALFIE</a></h5>
<p></p>
<div id="crp_related"><h3>Related Posts</h3><ul><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/city-life/arent-you-jealous/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Aren&#8217;t You Jealous?</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/jovial/taking-a-break-from-the-dark-side/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Taking a break from the Dark Side</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/are-you-friends-with-your-partners-ex/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Are you Friends with your Partner&#8217;s ex?</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/jovial/are-these-fucktards-real-human/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Are these fucktards real human?</a></li><li><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/city-life/life-in-bangalore/" rel="bookmark" class="crp_title">Life in Bangalore</a></li></ul></div>]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>5</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>3 idiots made me wonder about the chemistry of a trio</title>
		<link>http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/3-idiots-made-we-wonder-about-the-chemistry-of-a-trio/</link>
		<comments>http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/3-idiots-made-we-wonder-about-the-chemistry-of-a-trio/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 03 Jan 2010 12:08:11 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Shayon</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Personal]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Society]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thoughts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[3 idiots]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Aamir Khan]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dil Chahta Hai]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Friendship]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Movie]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trio]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.shayonpal.com/?p=1067</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Watching the movie 3 idiots, I had been strongly remembering Dil Chahta Hai, one of my all-time fav movie. And I had also been wondering, do all good set of friends are in a set of three?]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://www.shayonpal.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/3-idiots.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-1068 alignleft" title="3 idiots - A lovely movie that every Indian parent should watch" src="http://www.shayonpal.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/3-idiots-207x300.jpg" alt="" width="207" height="300" /></a></p>
<p>Just watched 3 Idiots, today morning. Watched it <a title="Watch 3 Idiots online." href="http://moviewatchon.blogspot.com/2009/12/3-idiots-2009-hindi-movie-online-watch.html">online</a>. No, I am not a supporter for pirated movies. But after all the <a title="Chetan Bhagat, 3 Idiots' team in story credit row" href="http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Chetan-Bhagat-3-Idiots-team-in-story-credit-row/articleshow/5403167.cms">hullabaloo</a> that have been created by <a href="http://www.chetanbhagat.com">Mr Chetan Bhagat</a>, <a title="Vidhu Vinod Chopra" href="http://www.vinodchopra.com/">VVC</a> and <a href="http://www.aamirkhan.com/">Aamir Khan</a>, couldn&#8217;t wait till the opportunity of getting a ticket to the multiplex.</p>
<p>Anyway, watching the movie, I had been strongly remembering Dil Chahta Hai, one of my all-time fav movie. And I had also been wondering, <em>do all good set of friends are in a set of three</em>? I mean, I have been in quite a few schools, and cities, in my life. And in all those places, even I had always had a close knit group of 3. Not a single more, Not a single less.</p>
<p>Yeah, just wondering.</p>
<p>As for the movie, I am surely gonna influence my own parents to go, watch the movie. Of course, they hardly have any more career choices to make, for me, but maybe it&#8217;ll help them dissuade their friends to stop imposing career decisions on their respective kids.</p>
<p>How about you? Did you watch the movie? What&#8217;s your reaction, on the movie&#8217;s tagline &#8220;<em>Strive for excellence &#8211; success will follow</em>&#8220;, on the <a title="3 Idiots' producer shouts at media" href="http://movies.rediff.com/report/2010/jan/01/idiots-makers-not-giving-me-due-credit-bhagat1.htm">controversy</a> served up by the team and the author, and on my question of whether <em>good friends are always in a set of three</em>?</p>
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		</item>
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		<title>Learning from the Mangalore Issue</title>
		<link>http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/learning-from-the-manglore-issue/</link>
		<comments>http://www.shayonpal.com/thoughts/learning-from-the-manglore-issue/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:22:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Sakshi</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Events]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Society]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Thoughts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mangalore]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[News]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Night Club]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rape]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Vir Sanghvi]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Most of us will have been encouraged by some of the political responses to the attack on pub-goers in Mangalore. Even Rajnath Singh, not usually perceived as a pillar of the liberal establishment, delivered a ringing condemnation of the assaults and most political parties joined the chorus of disapproval. ]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I found this article while surfing the net.</p>
<div>Its by Vir Sanghvi.<strong><a href="http://in.news.yahoo.com/32/20090208/1050/top-learning-lessons-from-mangalore.html"></a></strong></div>
<h5><strong><a href="http://in.news.yahoo.com/32/20090208/1050/top-learning-lessons-from-mangalore.html">You can follow the link and read it at the actual source</a>, or read it below. </strong></h5>
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">&#8220;Learning Lessons from Manglore</span></span></span></div>
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;"></p>
<p class="storyhdr" style="line-height: 122%;"><span style="line-height: 122%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Vir Sanghvi</span></span><em class="timedate" style="line-height: 122%; display: block; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; color: #999999;">Sun, Feb 8 01:40 AM</em></p>
<p style="line-height: 122%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Most of us will have been encouraged by some of the political responses to the attack on pub-goers in Mangalore. Even Rajnath Singh, not usually perceived as a pillar of the liberal establishment, delivered a ringing condemnation of the assaults and most political parties joined the chorus of disapproval. The politicians &#8211; and many media commentators &#8211; based their criticisms of the assault on two separate liberal principles. The first was: nobody can take the law into his or her own hands. It is legitimate to strongly object to something but quite unacceptable to forego due process and take direct action. The second principle was the traditional liberal one of &#8216;live and let live&#8217;. I may disapprove of what you do but unless your actions directly harm me I have no right to stop you. This principle has been used to argue that even if the lunatics on the fringes of the Sangh parivar found the pubs objectionable, they had no business preventing those who liked the so-called &#8216;pub culture&#8217; from enjoying it. Both principles are strong and well-established and I can see why they have been quoted. They are usually used by politicians and editorial writers to condemn attacks on cinema halls showing Fire, on shops selling Valentine&#8217;s Day cards, etc. etc. But here&#8217;s my problem: I think we need to go beyond the standard liberal denunciations of the Mangalore violence because the usual objections seem to me to be entirely inadequate here. The real issues run much deeper. Go to the politicians who have condemned the Mangalore attack, ask them a few significant questions and see what responses you get. Ask Rajnath Singh, for instance, what he thinks of the so-called &#8216;pub culture&#8217;. My guess is that he will say that he disapproves of it entirely because it goes against Indian culture. Ashok Gehlot has already been asked this question and delivered an attack on &#8216;pub culture&#8217;. (Later, when it was pointed out to him that his response came off as toeing the Sangh parivar line, he quickly amended it to say that he was only against alcoholism &#8211; but by then, the damage had been done.) Go further. Ask this question of L.K. Advani. Of Lalu Prasad Yadav. Of Mayawati. My guess is they&#8217;ll all say the same thing: that going to pubs is against &#8216;Indian culture&#8217;. That&#8217;s my problem with the liberal position that is being used to condemn the Mangalore attacks. Politicians will say they disapprove of the violence and shed tears over the incident. But they will still support the cause and agenda of the goondas. This was brought out most clearly in the response of the Karnataka Chief Minister who issued the routine condemnation but then followed it up with a ringing denunciation of the &#8216;pub culture&#8217;. He was a liberal, he said. He did not mind if people went out to eat &#8216;non-veg&#8217; (wow!). But it was against our very cultural traditions to go drinking in pubs at night. My fear is that we will allow the politicians to fool us. Because they appear to making the right condemnatory noises, we do not realise that, in essence, their views are no different from those of the hoodlums, who attacked the pub. It is only the methods that they are quibbling over. At the root of the against-our-cultural-traditions argument is a specious notion of what culture is. What the politicians are saying is that culture is static; that it is the sum total of social practices at any given time. Any deviation from those practices represents a dangerous drift away from all the things that make us Indian. This is so flawed an argument that it is plain silly. What is Indian culture, in this sense, anyway? Is it sati? That was an established practice once upon a time. Is it untouchability? Is it dowry? Is it beef-eating? (We know that the Vedic Aryans ate beef.) Is it forcing widows to wear white? All of us would agree that none of these things represents Indian culture as we know it. Yet, there was a time when all these practices were part of the cultural consensus. And deviations from them were vigorously opposed as being alien to our cultural traditions. The truth is that culture is never static; it changes over time. If the BJP wants us to go back to the roots of ancient Indian culture then where do we stop? At sati? At wearing unstitched clothes? It is entirely legitimate for Yeddyurappa or Gehlot or other politicians to disapprove of bars or of alcohol. But they have no right to define Indian culture or to claim that it should be frozen in time. They are not the custodians of our culture. And my guess is that politicians don&#8217;t even understand what culture is anyway. There is a second, worrying element to the Mangalore attacks that, despite Renuka Chowdhury&#8217;s agitated response, seems to have passed without much comment from other politicians. Have you noticed how every time male politicians jump up and down shouting about threats to our culture, the issue nearly always involves the freedom and choices of women? Think about it. When Sharad Yadav is in full flow, it is &#8216;baal-katti&#8217; women he objects to. When M.A. Naqvi protests about TV coverage of 26/11, he complains about women who wear lipstick. When R.R. Patil wants to shut down Bombay&#8217;s beer bars (as he successfully did), it&#8217;s not the beer he objects to but the women dancers. When the Sangh parivar wants to ban Fire, it is because the film shows two women in a lesbian relationship. Nobody objects to the homosexual sub-text of Dostana &#8211; hell, they probably identify with it. Similarly, when Hindu communalists attack the crew of Water, it is because the film shows how badly we treat our widows. Make a film about how badly we treat our adivasis or dalits and nobody will care. Even moral policing, as we call it, is really about keeping women in check. Why do policemen and political hoodlums crack down on courting couples? Only because they think it is &#8216;immoral&#8217; or wrong (or &#8216;against Indian culture&#8217;) for women to be allowed to display affection with men of their choice. What angers me the most about the Mangalore attack is that the agenda is not really anti-alcohol or about any concern for India&#8217;s cultural traditions. It is about controlling women. The pubs had been going for a while but the hoodlums had never attacked them. When they launched their assault it was directed at the women in the pub. It was the very presence of women, their exercise of their free choice to drink and their decision to sit with men that so angered the political goondas. All this is more worrying than the simple fact of vigilantes taking the law into their own hands. Of course it is wrong to do that &#8211; as all the politicians have dutifully pointed out. But that&#8217;s not the real issue. The crisis within our society is not just about random acts of violent political protest. It is the unspoken agreement between politicians across parties that it is entirely legitimate to deny Indian women the same rights as men; that they cannot have any sexual or romantic choices of their own; and that if they dare enjoy themselves in the way that men do (in a pub, for instance), they will be punished and made to suffer. The BJP holds forth about intolerance and about how women get a bad deal within the Muslim community. But does it have any right to complain about Talibanisation when members of the extended parivar do much the same thing and BJP Chief Ministers suggest that apart from the violence, they agree with these retrograde positions? These are the questions we need to ask &#8211; not just of the BJP, but of all of India&#8217;s politicians. Let&#8217;s not be fobbed off with platitudes about how all violence is bad. Let&#8217;s get to the core issues: what right do these jokers have to define Indian culture? And why do modern Indian women make our male politicians so insecure? Is it because they are even more inadequate than we realise??<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">&#8220;</span></span></p>
<p style="line-height: 122%;">I completely agree with what Mr. Sanghvi has to say.</p>
<p style="line-height: 122%;">How can the so called keepers of Morals, and Indian culture define &#8216;Indian Culture&#8217; when they themselves have no morals or ethics?</p>
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